Captain Chu Kuan is off to WAR !!!

Thursday, 12th June 2009

It was a gloomy day as the sky is so dark filled with smoke due to the enemy's fire. An idiotic enemy's base had an open fire to bbq their pork and now our view is limited because of the haze. Sigh. When I woke up this afternoon, the sky looks so dark and I thought it was going to rain but it was actually the haze.

This is the sign of WAR!

Captain Chu Kuan is in a state of panic and is getting ready for war. He went to his command center and switch on his laptop. Then he went to www.my.monash.edu.au and looked at his battle timetable. The words glared back at him as below;

19th June - International Business
24th June - Business Law
25th June - Consumer Behaviour
29th June - E-business

So Captain Chu Kuan is not going to be around till the 29th of June 2009. He will be busy preparing for war! RAWR!!

Wish me luck hehe.

Reference list

Yeoh, C. K. (2009). The Adventures of Captain Chu Kuan. Journal of PooLand, 67(67), 167-967.

Captain Chu Kuan the Left-handed (Part 3 - Final)

Note: Imagining is important for this post.

Continuation.....

As I approach my room, I heard the sound of my phone ringing. I took a couple of steps towards my phone and picked it up. The caller id said “Dad Digi”. Damn it, I shouldn’t have used Jaws theme for my ring tone. I then pushed the receive button and said hello. The conversation went as below.

Dad: Hello
Captain CK: Hi
Dad: Later got wedding dinner, your cousin’s father’s uncle’s grandfather’s son’s grandson’s wedding.
Captain CK: WTF? Can you repeat that again please?
Dad: Let’s keep this short okay. There is a wedding dinner tonight get ready by 6pm. Bye
Captain CK: Oh, say so la. Bye bye.

So I went back to my laptop and continue watching Supernatural as it was still 5pm. After that I went to take a shower and got dressed up. Waited for my parents to come back home in the living room as I could see outside through the windows. Minutes passed by as I watched the television and suddenly my parents pulled over. I opened the door and walk out and entered the car. We then zoomed off to the wedding dinner.

When we arrived at the fancy hotel, I noticed that they have a super fancy name that is impossible to remember because it is super fancily long with those super fancy designs all around it that made it look even super fancily longer than it is suppose to look because of the super fancy optical design that gives the effect of making it super fancily long. Gosh, what a world hahaha.

We then went in to the basement parking and found a lovely parking space. Took the lift up to the 67th floor where the ballroom was and registered to find our seat. Surprisingly we got the 67th table that is located somewhere in the middle of the ballroom between the 66th and 68th table. So we approached our round table that fits 10 people and I sat down on the left side of my dad. After a few minutes, a big sized lady sat on my left and I was praying that she is a left hander but no, she got to be a right hander. If she was a left hander then this story won’t go on so yes she is using her right hand. HAHA

A few speeches soon began starting with the bridegroom’s father and continuing to the mother, grandfather, grandmother, uncles, aunties, brothers, sisters and another round from the bride’s father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, uncles, aunties, brothers, sister. I was starting to wonder when would it end and I even lost count of the amount of relatives they have. Soon after, some performances started beginning with a funny sketch by the famous Phua Chu Kang (Dun pray pray) who literally dig his nose the whole time continued with some smooth romatic music by “SoRomantic.com.my.yours.everybody.somebody.nobody”

Anyhoo, the food came and the whole table started to say their prayers while I magically ate some when their eyes are closed. The lady beside me figured out my trick and followed me with an evil grin. When everyone was done praying, they gave me the stare and my reflex made me point to the lady beside me HAHAHA. Sucks to be her. After that incident, she gave me that stare that said “You are not going to be able to eat the whole night… muahahahahah”. Sigh, what a powderful lady.

So we continue with our dinner and the lady’s right arm keeps bumping in to mine. It’s so damn annoying to the point where I got so pissed and wanted to use my chopstick and poke her to death. RAWR!! It can’t be avoided because the table is round and no matter how I sit, the person on the left of me will have an elbow war unless the person on my left is a left handed but it would suck to be him/her if the person on him/her left is also a left handed but unfortunately the amount of right handers are much more compared to left handed people. Not really a fair world but who am I to complain haha. So the only solution is that the whole table is full of left handed people or it is a super huge table that can fit 20 people with only 10 people sitting.

The problem becomes worst when we want to take food at the same time and because she gave me that glance, it means war. In short, we had a wonderful elbow war throughout the night and *drumrolls* she god damn won. OUMAIKOT! Damn not fair because her arm is bigger than mine. Damn it. So the moral of the story is, never find fight with any one larger than you.

During the middle of the dinner, my cousin came over and told me to take over the role as the camera man because he had to attend an important business meeting (toilet). I took over his Nikon D67 and started taking some pictures when I notice that the stupid freaking button is on the right side of the camera. Urgh, what a nightmare. One horrible incident after another. So I started taking pictures and wonder how much does a left handed camera cost when I found out that there is no left handed camera. Correct me if I am wrong. So then some retarded half monkey half cow (after being slaughtered and magically pieced together) will ask “What is the problem? It is just a matter of pressing the button with your right hand and supporting the camera with your left” Sigh. Well my fellow half monkey half cow, the problem is that if you can take a clear picture easily means you are a right handed. Left handed people tend to take blur pictures because their right hand is less stable compared to the right (somehow). It is like throwing a ball up and down. It is easier to do with one hand compared to the other. Try it for your self.

After my cousin’s business meeting he came back and took back the camera. I felt a little happy for a moment because of the thought of food on the table until I saw the lady who is enjoying my share while I was the part time camera man. RAWR!!! I went over to the table and bashed her up with my chopsticks (in my imagination). I then snapped out of that wonderful thought and came back to reality. Took my sit beside her and continue my war, The Left VS Right. She won lah. Gosh. Damn it. !@#$

Finally, it was the end of the dinner and I went back home with my parents. When I reached home, I took a long shower and went to bed right after because I felt very tired after a long horrible day. I felt so sleepy and my thoughts went blurrrrr and finally I fell deeeeeeeply asleeeeeep. Yawns.

There you go, a day in the shoes of a left handed by Captain Chu Kuan.

So that's all for Chapter 2. Stay Tuned for Chapter 3 after I find some inspiration after my finals (29th June). It is not an easy task as I would need to consult and discuss with my imaginary business partners whom I meet a couple of times a day in my "Meeting Room".

- Chapter 2 (Part 3) - Final

Captain Chu Kuan the Left-handed!!

Reference list

Yeoh, C. K. (2009). The Adventures of Captain Chu Kuan. Journal of PooLand, 67(67), 167-967.

Captain Chu Kuan the Left-handed (Part 2)

Note: Imagining is important for this post. :P
Edit : Added a picture

Continuation.....

So after my lovely breakfast, I went out to the front porch (Captain’s hanger) of my house (Captain Poo’s Ship) to get in to the car (Captain’s sampan) because I am running late for class. Then when I reached my car (Captain’s sampan), I let out a loud shriek, “OUMAIKOT!!” because the car’s driver’s seat is on the right. Then some idiot will say, “Oh captain, we drive on the left side of the road.” Well, common sense tell you that if you are sitting on the right, your view on the right side is better and it is easier to judge the distance of oncoming cars on a two way street and that’s why we have to drive on the left. It helps to reduce the massive amount of accidents.

Anyhoo, I got in to my car (Captain’s sampan) just to find out that the signal is on the right also. Aiyoyo. Then some monkey will tell me, “Eh Captain, the wiper is on the left.” I’ll slaughter that monkey. Refer back to my previous post about the keyboard and now think, how many time do you use the signal compared to the wiper? Oumaikot. Then another cow without any cow sense will come and ask me, “But you see right, the gear is on the left hand.” I’ll slaughter that cow also. Then I’ll ask that senseless cow, “Which one is more important, the steering or the gear?” Of course the steering because you use it to navigate the car. If not then you will go around hitting every doggie, cat, trees, human, cow, monkey, pig, bunny, airplane, helicopter, and Captain Poo’s Sampan.

So after talking about all the hands usage in the car, I will now bring you to the legs. Next time when you drive, please look down (not that other down part okay). I mean look down at your legs. If you can clearly see without any thing obstructing your view (dun think dirty okay), you will notice that your right leg controls two pedals and your left leg only controls one or none. So this proves that the right leg is more important. This does not apply to German made cars or any other cars that is quite the opposite. I already added disclaimer here so don’t come complain or sue my ass. Thank you.

So I got in to my car (Captain’s sampan) and took a lovely drive to Monash besides the amount of times I almost ran over cute little doggies, cats, rabbit, elephant, horse, giraffe, dinosaurs, etc. Anyhoo, I reached Monash and struggle to find a parking space. After going around Sunway for the 67th time I finally found a wonderful parking space and rushed to class. As I was approaching my class, my heart was beating as fast as a couple of rabbits humping each other because I fear that the tutor would whip me for being late. However, when I entered the class all she asked me to take a seat and don’t worry about it. Phew, how lucky I thought.

After I sat down, I took out my notes, books, pen, paper, pillow, blanket, pajamas and got ready to take a nap. Out of a sudden, the tutor woke me up and asks me to write the answers to the question she was discussing on the whiteboard. I thought to myself, “Stupid tutor, why don’t you just let me sleep already.” But I was afraid to defy her orders so I stood up and walked down towards the whiteboard and felt every pair of eyes staring down my neck. Sigh, what an awkward feeling. I then took up the marker pen and wrote down my answers. As I was writing my answers from my piece of paper, the tutor asked me what I was doing. I looked at her with a stunning look in my small eyes and saw her eyes shifted to the white board. To my horror, everything I wrote smudged up because I was writing with my left hand. AHH!!

Anyhoo, my point is that left handed always have problems when it comes to writing on the white or black board as our left hand will smudge what we write because of the right handed style of writing that is from the left to the right. This also applies when we are writing on books with those G1, G2, G3, G4, G-soft, G-spot and all those wet ink based pens. The ink would just smudge at the bottom of our left hand and there is nothing we can do about it except to write slower and wait for the ink to dry before continuing. Sometimes normal pens also have this effect; however it is slightly less compared to those wet ink pens. Oh, and pencils or mechanical pencils also have this effect but in the version of lead. It is much easier to wash off but it still annoys the heaven out of me.

Okay back to the story, so my tutor gave up and asks me to take a seat and some unlucky person has to write his answers on the whiteboard. As I walk back to my seat, he gave me a stare like a cock that’s why people call it stare cock although he is not staring at my cock but is still staring like a cock which implies the term stare cock that is widely used in our lovely country Malaysia where ah bengs create these lovely terms like stare cock which makes all the sense in the world but alsomaking no sense at the same time (Damn, I just confused myself).

After the class, I went to the Lecture Theater for my super long 1hour 59min and 59 seconds lecture. As I was move towards the huge doors of my Lecture Theater, I felt the gush of cold refrigerator like wind emitted through the doors as other students opens them. Suddenly, I felt like I got to pee so I rushed to the toilet. After my satisfying moment, I washed my hands and use a fair amount of tissue paper to wipe my hands. Then I thought, “Hmm, why is it that Monash’s tissue paper doesn’t seem to run out?” Most probably because they have some tissue alarm where it alerts the staff when the tissues runs away. Ops, I mean run out.


Anyhoo, I went back to the Lecture Theater and OUMAIKOT!! All the chair/mini-table thingies have those mini-tables on the right. Actually I have no idea what those chair/mini-tables are called so I will just refer to them as lecture chairs okay. Now my point here is that all you right handed people can peacefully write with your right hand without any problems where else we left handed people got to lean forward in a very uncomfortable position to write. Besides that, if the person sitting next to us is a right handed, we got to fight for space as our hands will keep bumping in to each other. Oh yeah, this also applies to class rooms where the chairs are situated so close (close enough to intrude the other person’s personal space) where we can have an elbow war due to the lack of writing space if a left and right handed person are sitting together. Then another funny clown will ask, “Why not sit on the opposite side?” Well actually this may easily be avoided but sometimes the idea of it happening is not in my head so I’ll just notice the problem after sitting down. Either that or there is two right handed people sitting beside me. Sigh, what a life I tell you.

So after the 1hour 59min and 59 second lecture, I went back to my lovely parking space where my lovely car (Captain’s sampan) awaits my return and took a lovely drive home to my lovely house (Captain Poo’s Ship). So I reached home and parked safely, went in to the house, took a bath, and went up to my computer room (Captain’s command center). I then turn on my laptop and watched Supernatural. As it was getting interesting I suddenly heard a sound coming from my room (Captain’s Quarters). I approached my room and to my horror…… To Be Continued… HAHaHAHaHA!!! wait for the next one okay :P

|- To Be Continued -|

Note: It is still not the end!! Fear not as Captain Chu Kuan is here.

- Chapter 2 (Part 2) - To be continued

Captain Chu Kuan the Left-handed!!

Reference list

Yeoh, C. K. (2009). The Adventures of Captain Chu Kuan. Journal of PooLand, 67(67), 167-967.

Captain Chu Kuan the Left-handed

Note: Imagining is important for this post. :P

I mentioned in my previous post that I am going to write a post about left handed people and here it is. Tadaa

If you guys don’t know, I am a left handed person and I find it a little annoying that I am living in a right handed world. Not that I am frustrated to the point where my head will explode but it is still quite annoying. When I was young, I could remember my mum asking me how it is like using my left hand all the time and I remembered her asking about how it affects my studies like flipping the page, writing and so on. At that time I was blur and didn’t know the difference because apparently when I was a lot younger my maid taught me how to write with my left hand as she uses her left too. It was not till kindergarten when I realize that I was using the wrong hand to write and I just couldn't get my right hand to work. So I decided to continue with my left hand.

It should be quite noticeable that most of the things we encounter in our everyday life are built in a way that it suits right handed people compared to us left handed people. I shall start from the moment when I wake up every morning till the day ends.

One bright morning, I wake up to the sound of my alarm clock ringing endlessly beside my bed and I open my small eyes and looked at it and see the face of the clock. To my surprise, the clock’s hands are moving to the right. Yes, to the right. It is called “clockwise”. So that means that if the clock’s hands moves to the left then it’s called “anti-clockwise”. Hence, making us left handed people “anti-right handed”. What a magnificent world this is. Although this is not a very good example, it still does prove my point that the world is a little stereotypical towards left handed people.

Anyhoo, I get out of bed and go to the toilet (Captain’s meeting room) to do my morning business that started off as a short briefing that soon ended up as a long meeting with CEO’s from various companies. I must say that we do not get along well as we always disagree and end up fighting in a mess. So that’s enough of my crapping and I shall continue with my story. I then take a look around the toilet and to my surprise everything there is made for right handed people. Wow! The toilet’s flush is on the right and the water tap on the sink is on the right. Heck the whole toilet is on the right.

The day then continues after my morning business as I take a shower and luckily there is not much to complain about how the water runs down the pipe. After that lovely shower, I venture in to my humble room (Captain’s quarters) and get dressed. I wear my underpants, pants and finally my shirt. To my horror, the buttons on the shirt are also made for right handed people! If you don’t believe me, go grab a shirt and see how the buttons are positioned. The buttons on the shirt are on the right side of the shirt and the holes where the buttons go through are on the left. So if you try buttoning with your left hand alone, you would find it quite challenging compared to using your right hand because of the right thumb where you can easily push the button into the hole. If you come telling me that there’s no problem buttoning with your left hand then please practice using your left hand from now on and become a left handed.

After that horrifying sexperience, I then venture to my computer room (Captain’s command center) and sit down on my throne. I switch plug to on the computer and to my horror the switch is on the right! Don’t believe? Go take a look at your 3-pin-plug sockets and you will see that the switch is on the right.

Anyhoo, I sit back down on my throne and oumaikot! Everything is on the right hand side, from the mouse to the keyboard. Keyboard you asked? Yes of course, because if you take a look at your keyboard you can see that the number pad is on the right, the enter button is on the right and the backspace button is on the right. Then if you tell me, “oh but the tab, exit, tab and caps lock is on the left.” I’ll spank you! One simple explanation, How many times do you press the enter button and the backspace button compared to the exit, tab and caps lock? That settles things than but I must say I sure do love the space bar because its nicely sitting in the middle. Next you ask me, then why can’t you use the mouse with your left hand? This one is a little tough but the answer is because I am used to the right handed way in the art of using the mouse. Sigh.

After much time in my computer room (Captain’s command center), I then make a short trip downstairs (bottom deck) to grab my breakfast/lunch. I then take out the pan to fry my eggs and sausages (dun think dirty ah) for breakfast/lunch. Then I remembered that I need something to stir my food so I took out the wooden spatula and once again it is engineered in a way that the curve on it is meant for right hand users only. Here’s a picture of how it looks like.

If you don’t understand what I’m trying to say then go find one like this and try using it with your left hand. So after equipping the Captain’s tools of the kitchen, I then search the fridge for some sausages and sadly it is wrapped in plastic. I then opened my drawer of kitchen tools and took out a pair of scissors. Oumaikot!

As you can see, the blades of the scissors are built in a way where the bottom blade of the scissors is slanted towards the right and the top blade is slanted to the left forming a magnificent tool to cut thin objects with ease. Then you come ask me. “So what’s the problem with that?” Okay, take a scissors and hold it with your right hand and try cutting a paper. If you notice, you can easily see the point where the paper meets the blade and cut exactly where you want. However, if you use it on your left hand, all you can see is the top blade and you can’t really cut exactly where you wanted because it is blocking your view from the top. Don't believe then try it for yourself.

Besides, if you try turning the scissors around, up, down, left, right or center, you will still face the same problem if you are using your left hand. Although this is not really a big issue but it is still very annoying. Ah, then once again some joker will come up with a question, “Eh Captain, why didn’t you try using your right hand?” Simply because I am used to my left hand and after cutting anything with my right hand for a long time, it gets a little soar all over so I’ll stick with my left.

|- To Be Continued -|

Note: This is not the end! Its getting too long so I shall continue this post on another day. Fear not as Captain Chu Kuan is here.

- Chapter 2 (Part 1) - To be continued

Captain Chu Kuan the Left-handed!!

Reference list

Pictures by Issac Soo Photography @ isaacsoo.com.my.yours.everybody

Yeoh, C. K. (2009). The Adventures of Captain Chu Kuan. Journal of PooLand, 67(67), 167-967.

Hello... I'm Back

After a long long time in a land far far away, Captain Chu Kuan has came back from the great Monash battle after slaughtering 6 assignments and raiding 2 presentations. Although it has only been around 7.42857142857 weeks, I'm serious!!... I mean seriously open your windows calculator and count... its the exact number!! I no simply type and bruff you wan :P

Miss me or not?? Better say yes ah... if not I no more semangat to blog d. =D

Anyhoo, for the time I had been missing, I was actually busy doing my assignments, weekly presentations, not weekly presentations, online test and offline test. Damn busy right!!

Okay fine... I lied... actually I was not that busy until towards the dateline but I still had to prepare myself mentally and physically to be ready to procrastinate and do my work on the last minute. If I didn’t then how to keep up with yesterday's work??? The answer is, you need plenty of rest before planning to procrastinate, drink lots of water, go poo 2 times a day, pee 5 times a day, remember to blow your nose and drink loads of coffee. Good tips here, faster take out pen, pencil, paper, eraser, ruler, marker... anything to write down la... type also can.

Next, I can’t remember much since 1st April 2009 but I’ll try my best to remember. Oh and I'll finish the post about left handed people!! I will, I must, I am, its gona be done!! RAWR!! Later... hehe

Anyhoo, since the begining of April I have been busy preparing to procrastinate for my 1st batch of assignments. 1st batch of assignments consists of 3 assignments, Consumer Behaviour, Business Law and International Business. So after finishing this 3 assignments, I wasted one week of my life catching up with the shows I missed due to the load of work. Then after that one week, I had to prepare to procrastinate for my second batch of assignments. Walau damn stress right. So far I have already received my results for the 1st 3 assignments. All also Credit only. Sigh. Not good enough for Monash eh. hehe. That’s all for the stupid assignments !@#$.

Next would be my consumer behaviour presentations. It’s all about segmenting the population or the sample of the population so that you can identify your target markets. Basically my group of 4 people was always under prepared. We choose the Chocolate Spa market for our presentations. It’s a 5 weeks presentation where we have to present about different topics but it is always related to the Chocolate Spa. For the 1st presentation, we did our slides at 3am. 3am!!! Damn procrastinators right XD... In simple terms, we were not ready but we still went to class. Damn semangat rite. We were walking to our own doom lah. When I walked in to the class, another group was presenting first. Their slides were damn kao completed with theories and all that nonsense and I whispered to my group mate, "Oh shit, our slides like crap man". So a little panic there la but in the end we still went out and presented our crappy 5 slides (group of 4 ppl yo!!). After presenting and crapping like no bodies business, seriously crapping without any theories, we went back to our seats. Then the tutor wrapped things up and said, "Okay, the best group was the Chocolate Spa". Then I was like WTF ??? !!! then I said," You serious ah??", cos I thought she was sarcastic or something. Then she said, "Yeah, your group covered everything". Then mana tau she explained that actually she don’t want theories. Kinda like thinking out of the box la.

So after weeks and weeks of presentations, the nervousness and everything just went away and just last week we handed in our group report which I had to type because one of my group mate said that my English is better… sigh.

This is what I crapped.

For the past few weeks we have been presenting about various segmentations about the Chocolate Spa and now for the final week we have finally completed our collage. To be honest, we never thought that preparing and presenting our findings and opinions about the Chocolate Spa would be this fun and interesting. Since we began our tutorial exercise since week 6, we have expanded our understanding about the concepts and applications of the segmentation process by relating it to our chosen product. We have also indirectly strengthened the foundation of our knowledge on how to differentiate between segment bases. Furthermore, we were able to gain a better understanding of consumer in the Malaysian market in terms of their characteristics and how it differ from other consumers from different countries.

By working in a group, we learn how to divide the workload and work together as a team. Initially we do not know each other personally but after working together we managed to know one another and help each other out on the area we were weak in. This will indirectly assist us in the future as we will be working with different types of people.

Finally, we have improved in our public speaking skills after many attempts in presenting in front of the class. We have fought the fear and nervousness we had when we did our first presentation. This will greatly help us in other subjects and jobs in the future.

Damn full of crap right? Hahahaha. The lecturer asked “You guys really have been through this?”, and I blur blur said yes…

Anyhoo, I have already gotten used to the life in Monash. The environment here is a little nicer compared to Sunway University College.

-The end of Chapter 1-

The great come back of Captain Chu Kuan!!

Reference list

Yeoh, C. K. (2009). The Adventures of Captain Chu Kuan. Journal of PooLand, 67(67), 167-967.